Another OW swim, still don't like having my face in cold murky water. Fortunately, my wetsuit keeps me buoyant enough that I can swim decently without having to submerge my face. I know this is not optimal, but it is where I am at right now. And I'm okay with that. There is time to conquer this phobia before next season. And I realize it is a phobia: "A persistent. abnormal, and irrational fear of a specific thing or situation that compels one to avoid it, despite the awareness and reassurance that it is not dangerous." Yeah, it's like that. For sure. But I will overcome it, in time. I will beat this demon into submission and make him my bitch. And for this season, I will swim my best, cycle hard, and run my race.
Yesterday I was dealing with a lot of inner demons. Those lying bastards that whisper doubts and fears, giggle at my anxiety, laugh uproariously at my tears. Yes, it is frustrating, maddening, depressing. But it is also a part of life. No one is perfect, even the best athletes in the world have off days, feelings of doubt, performance anxiety. But I had put them to rest before my head hit the pillow. Today, they have been mostly silent. Mostly.
I do know that my next event will be far better than my last. I have a better idea of my limits and so am going to leave it all on the course. I will push myself as hard as I am able. I know I will swim better, thanks to the tools I have gathered to address some issues: wetsuit for buoyancy; contacts so I can see; anti-fog spray for my goggles; inhaler for asthma. Joshua is tuned, has a better fitting seat, and is properly lubed. I have fantastic, minimalist shoes that weigh a bare fraction of what my other shoes do. So I feel I am set. I am better prepared, mentally, physically, and materialistically. I am excited for my next adventure. Excited to set new highs, to reach for a new personal best.
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