Temple

    I have been criticized on occasion for my over-diligent workout ethic. Criticized, teased, even made to feel slightly harassed. I try to not take it personally, I do know I am obsessive after all. Behind the obsession lies the hard truth; without regular, vigorous workouts I would very likely be a basketcase, emotionally, mentally, and physically. It really came home to roost about 15 years ago, when I was first diagnosed with depression. Oh, I have always exercised on a regular basis, even at my heaviest and least active phases, I was still doing regular exercise. It was the diagnosis of depression, and the years battling it, that made me do what I do best, research. Search for an answer, a remedy, and if not a cure at least a method of management.
    The winter of 2000-2001 was when I began to truly understand the role that regular, hard workouts had on the depression that always worsened as winter would drag on and on. That was the year I discovered cross country skiing, and lost about 30 pounds. It was miraculous just how much more smoothly Brain functions when well lubricated with sweat. Since that point I have always, and I do mean always, made sure that as summer drew to a close, and the summer fighting season dwindled, that I had a workout regimen firmly entrenched in my life. I couldn't even begin to guess how many times I have been hard into a workout, a sweating, pulse pounding, teeth gritting, grunting workout, all the while with tears brimming in my eyes and sobs constricting my breathing. Yes, it has been that bad. For more than a decade, that has been a level of normalcy that I have hidden from the world. But I know that it could be so much worse. If I succumbed to the inner voices that try to lure me into sloth, gluttony, apathy, inertia, ennui, I know I would find myself in an abyss too deep to crawl out of. It has only been through diligence and force of will that I have kept myself on a fairly even keel over the years. It has all been an abject lesson in caring for my body.
    That is the key, caring for Body. By caring for Body I give Brain a strong sanctuary, a fortress. I have learned that Body is a temple, truly. A temple to always treat with care and respect. Over the years I have perfected the art of caring for my Temple from the inside out. I eat carefully, and as cleanly as I can. I do not allow Body to be polluted with toxins, or deprived of nourishment. Now, having left armored fighting, I have finally found a sport that requires, no, demands rigorous training year round, with ever increasing intensity. I am having to continually work on strength, power, stamina, and endurance. This keeps Body well occupied and far too busy to allow the darkness to take hold. Yes, my muscles are chronically sore and complaining, but it is as nothing compared to the aches I would have if I were to allow myself to be inactive. Just lying in bed too long makes my joints ache, I can only imagine what it would be like if I were to remain idle for too long. My diligent training regimen has brought my weight to its lowest in my adult life, and requires that I eat, a lot, which is a fabulous defense against depression, both the weight loss and the consumption of energy laden carbs. And let's not forget the endorphin and dopamine rush that accompanies every rigorous workout. It is my drug of choice and proven a far better anti-depressant, and sleep aid, than any pharmaceutical.
    So when people tease me for my diligence, or I feel a trace of hostility from someone for what must seem like a narcissistic neurosis, I will not retaliate with hostility, or allow my delicate feelings to be bruised. Instead I will hear the Temple chimes in my head, and know that I am merely an accolade, caring for the most important Temple in my world. My Body, My Temple.

Need To Push

    I am beginning to feel as if I am not pushing myself hard enough, especially in the pool. Oh sure, I can go and pump out 50 laps, which is a decent distance. But it doesn't fatigue me. I need to be swimming hard enough that I crawl out of the pool quivering with exhaustion, and wanting to throw up. I am adding some different drills to try and push myself harder, including individual medley sets (breast stroke, back stroke, and crawl), and sprints. It does not seem like enough, but I will keep pushing. I have bumped up the cycling, adding power bursts, sprints, and tabata sets, as well as morning workouts 4 days a week in addition to my standard evening workouts. I have started up running again. I admit, I hadn't run since my 70.3, but now an running on the dreadmill 4 times a week, slowly adding distance. The key here is that I am at the point that in order to improve I need to either add more time, or more intensity. Honestly, I don't want to devote more time to training than I already am. I have better things to do with my time than always be sweating out a workout.
    I am pretty sure these statements are being met with eye rolls from most people. "Sheesh, not pushing yourself? Seriously?" Yeah, it probably does sound a bit, dare I say, egotistical, to a lot of people, but I am serious. Two months ago I did a half-Ironman, 70.3 miles under my own power, and didn't suck at it. But, I did have brutal leg cramps for 9 miles of the run, largely in part to lack of running foundation. Now, I am looking at wanting to double that distance? That is fucking insane. There, I said it. I am crazy. I may be crazy, but I am not stupid, I need to be able to effortlessly swim about 2.5 miles, and easily cycle 100+ miles so that I can have energy left to run a marathon. Hell, right now I wouldn't have the energy to run the marathon, much less do it after having already spent 8 hours or so swimming and biking. So yeah, I need to push myself a bit.
    There is also that small matter that I do not want "Off-season weight gain." I know I am obsessing, but I worked damned hard to get where I am and I don't want to blow it now. It is much harder to try and rebuild fitness, than it is to maintain it.
    Now to that end, to push myself, I need to get to bed so I can be up at insane-thirty, aka 5:15 am, to put in my morning 70 minutes of cycling and running before I trundle myself off to work. Tomorrow, thursday, is a swim day as well, so I need to be thinking of what I will do once I slip into the water. It never ends. And I'm glad it doesn't. I love that I can push myself as much as I do, now I just need to take it to the next level.