Off Season Blues

    I am feeling the mid-winter, off-season blues. I am getting emails from Best In The West wanting me to register for the half-Ironman, and I admit, I had such a great time last year that I wish I could do it again. But, it is the weekend before The Leadman Epic 250K, so Best In The West is out. This makes me sad, I would really love to do it again. I am struggling this last week or so. Struggling to feel motivated for some of my training. Okay, let me be specific, I am struggling with my running workouts. I can't seem to motivate. Granted, most people have a hard time actually wanting to run on the dreadmill. This morning I did put in a good hour on the bike, followed by 10 minutes of stretching. My plan was to do my run tonight. After Friday night shopping to get supplies for the weekend, it was nearly 7:30 by the time I got home. I've been hungry all day, so found myself snacking on anything that came into range. Fortunately I don't keep crap in the house, so all the snacking was wholesome. Okay, maybe the dark chocolate wasn't optimal, but I did put back half of what I originally poured into my hand. It was 8:30 before I was actually on the dreadmill, trying to find my desire to run. It was not there. Not even a little bit. Instead I walked a fast warmup, then did side stepping and walking backwards to work different muscles. So I thought, maybe some time on the bike. Well, by this time it was after 9:00. I decided to spin for 15 minutes then stretch and work the muscles with my massage stick. A healthy dinner of vegetarian, spinach tacos, a black bean brownie, and a cup of herbal tea, and here I am. I am not feeling too great about all this. Mentally, I need some shoring up. I do know that I am showing classic signs of over-training, but I'm not training that much! Instead, I have to lay the blame at the feet of winter depression. It has similar symptoms as over-training, or over-training has similar symptoms to depression. Either way, I have the off-season blues. I know the best remedy is rest, but that makes me tense, stressed, and more likely to feel depressed. It is a vicious cycle, no doubt.
    I wanted to get the bike out on the road tomorrow, but the weather is not cooperating. Sunday should be better, so I will aim for getting out and freezing my ass off then. Instead, tomorrow I will swim. I don't plan on swimming 3 miles, but I think setting my sights on time, two hours, makes more sense. Optimally, I want to get out of bed, feeling invigorated, and decide to do an early morning run before my swim. In a perfect world, that is exactly what would happen. My world is far from perfect. It is a bit of a shambles at times. Life events have kind of knocked the wind out of my sales, and I am having a rough time recovering. It has taken the heart right out of me, making it difficult to push through moments of weakness and despair. I have to keep reminding myself that no one, no one, not even elite athletes have great workouts every single time. Everyone has days when they cannot find their groove. But I have had this going on for a bit now, since before the holidays. I am trying to muscle my way through, but it is getting harder and harder.
    I did order a book, "Going Long: Training for Triathlon's Ultimate Challenge," a well ranked book with a solid training program for ultra-endurance triathlon. I do like the sound of that, "Ultra-Endurance." It has a cool ring to it. I am hoping to find some guidance to get me back on track. Up to this point I have relied solely on my own ridiculous training ethic. I haven't had to rely on a coach or workout partners pushing me, making me workout, making me accountable, providing motivation, I have done it on my own. I will continue to do it on my own, but as the event has become more serious, I know I am in need of guidance. Mostly, I need to find some motivation to kick my ass out of the rut I have been wallowing in. I do not have time to waste feeling sorry for myself, or wrapping myself in a blanket of grief and despair. My time is too valuable to waste, especially on energy sucking self pity. This is where I haul myself up by my own bootstraps, give myself a few solid slaps across the face, and yell, "Snap Out Of IT!" I've tried, it's not working. But I will try again, and again. I will continue to try to lift myself up, and force myself to get a grip. Eventually it will work. Eventually. Until then, I think I will focus on the workouts that make me happiest; swimming and cycling. Even if I just maintain where I am at, that is better than beating myself up for eating too much, and not wanting to run today. Damn off-season blues.