The Bonk

   I am going to jump ahead of myself a bit, or actually revisit an aspect of my first Tri. The revisit? My Bonk. My Swim. That arduous, torturous struggle between me and my own body that might have derailed my entire race. I have rolled it around in Brain as best I can. Oddly, I do not remember it as well as I wish I could. My pleasure and joy with Joshua, and my conquering the run seem to have partially wiped any negative aspects from my memory banks. But I know it happened. I remember feeling exhausted and nearly defeated. I remember fearing my ability to actually finish the swim. I remember thinking how easy it would be to grab hold of one of the chase boats and let them pull me in to rest, breathe and just go home. I do remember all that. I remember the chase boat behind me, hearing the guy radio back, "I'm with the last swimmer, she's a ways out." I could not help but stop swimming, look at him and say, "I heard that! I am right here, you know."
    I have tried to analyze the weirdness of the Bonk. I can find no one explanation. I started the race excited but not anxious, or so I thought. I was decently rested and fed, or so I thought. I had trained as much as I could in the few short weeks beforehand, or so I thought. But I know that these are all potential factors. Top of the list, no doubt, is Anxiety. At the feet of anxiety I lay the blame for my inability to breathe comfortably, which then robbed my body of much needed oxygen. I know I could have gotten more sleep, but I do not think that played much of a role, truly. Nutrition? I don't know that it was a factor either. Training? Yes, here again, I find some of the reason. I swam as often as possible beforehand, but that was only about 8 sessions of lap swimming, no coaching, no critiquing, just me trying my best to suddenly become a distance swimmer.
    So, where does this leave me as I prepare for my next great adventure? I did go back to the pool 2 days after the Tri, because I knew I had to. I had to get into the water and prove to myself that I can indeed swim decently. I focused on my breathing. I did not count laps, I did not worry about stopping to ponder what exactly i was doing. Both for my Tuesday and Thursday swim I worked on changing my breathing from only on the right at every right hand stroke, to right left right left every stroke and a half. Do you have any idea how difficult and exhausting it is to break a habit of a lifetime? I thought I was going to drown myself in the deep end. But I am getting the hang of it, and feeling better oxygenated, and less hyperventilated. And now, I am signed up for private, individual lessons with a woman who has done distance swimming. Hopefully together we can prevent future Bonkage.
    As usual, my tendency to analyze, over-analyze and the analyze again has helped me work through a potentially crippling situation. I hope. As I staggered out of the water, cap and goggles in hand, I did have that fleeting thought, "Will this make me even more prone to anxiety in the water the next time?" It is that fear of falling, failing, drowning, that does pop into Brain every once in a while, but I am doing all I can to squelch the thought. So I will continue to hit the pool, get lessons, and try to do an open water swim once a week. I know my next time in the water will be better. I will not be the last out of the water ever again.