Prove To Myself, No One Else

    Once again, shirking my writing. Damn, there is just not enough time in the day/week/month. I feel like I have a countdown clock ticking in my chest as the day of my first triathlon approaches. 16 days. Not enough time. I don't feel prepared. I have been assured by my coach that I will do great, but a little voice in my head (one of many, but this one is sport specific) tells me, "it is his job to tell you that just to keep you from getting spooked." Yeah, doubts creeping in just a little. But not too bad.
    I've gotta hand it to Coach, he does know what I need, knows how to talk me down off the ledge. We went out to a Tri near the town I grew up in, just so he could show me the way it all works, and ease a lot of my anxieties. We watched swim starts, swimmers emerging and running to the transition area. Watched transitions, good and bad, and I was told the difference. We talked gear, transitions, staying calm. We talked to an enthusiastic young man who shot aerial footage of the event with a very cool remote control helicopter-ish gadget. His advice, go easy through the swim and the cycling, and save energy for the last half of the run, because by then most of the competitors have gassed out. I thought it was sound logic. Granted, my run is the leg I am most nervous about, even though it is the least complicated: one foot in front of the other. We topped off our tour with an open water swim in the lake. I had been concerned about this, knowing that swimming laps in a pool is an entirely different fish than swimming in open water with no visible bottom. Surprisingly, I abso-fucking-lutely Loved it!! It was miraculous to feel the open water around me, the temperature shifts in the water, the sun above, the cool dark below. I knew then that I will be fine in the swim, and am looking forward to proving my mettle.
    Later in the day we cycled on Kick-my-ass-and-leave-me-in-the-ditch-to-die Road, I wanted to show him my favorite ride. His observation, "You will NEVER have this tough of a road in a Tri. Never." That made me feel pretty damned good about my strength. But now I need to be working on my speed. And here is where I have to pull myself up a little and focus on strength not speed. Strength literally is my strength. I do not expect to be the fastest competitor, but I know it is within me to be a strong athlete.
    One point I have to acknowledge and remind myself of daily is that for my first Tri I am not out there to set the world ablaze with my mad skills. I am doing this to show myself that I can. To prove to myself, and no one else, that I can do this. That I can find a long dormant dream hiding within my Heart, Mind and Body and make it become a reality. Find a dream and work hard towards its realization. This is why I train, this is why I will swim, cycle and run under the July sun. No other reason. This is for me.