Carb Cravings

    I am really fighting the urge to eat massive amounts of carbs in a vain attempt to get out ahead of the depression that seems to be nipping at my heels. I know that would be a totally counterproductive, and potentially self-defeating method of self-medication, but the urge is strong. I am doing everything I know to beat back the darkness; exercise, nutrition, supplements, meditation, fresh air, adequate sleep. Did I mention exercise? Hells ya, I'm exercising. Even at my lowest I manage to gear up and work up a sweat. Now is not the time for flimsy excuses. Train hard or go home. I've been increasing my strength training, as well as my cardio. Adding time and intensity to both. Good thing I have no social life, there have been quite a few evenings when I've just said to myself, "Fuck it, I'll just workout til it's time to go to bed." And for all intents and purposes, that's exactly what I do. Oh sure, I leave myself a little time to power down some nutrition, and clean myself up a bit before climbing under the covers, but my workouts have been going from 6:30 to 9:30 several nights a week. This helps keep the darkness at bay, I'm too focused during my workout, and too tired after to do much more than eat and sleep. But today, a saturday, with too much time inside my own head, makes it tough. I am not where I thought I would be a few weeks ago, but that does seem to be the standard for my life, "When you least expect it, expect it." New Year's Eve should be interesting, I've decided that in lieu of the fun, sexy evening I had planned, I am going to hit the pool and try to swim 3 miles. Yeah, Three Miles. Nothing like filling in the emotional gaps with the purely physical. I do love the hypnotic quality of swimming, it is so rhythmic and controlled, it helps quiet the chaos in my head. But this damned carb craving today, and actually, for the last few days, or weeks, is kind of kicking my ass today. It is fortunate that I was away from the house and busy for most of the day, but g'damn, it is rearing its ugly head. I did eat a ridiculously healthy, late lunch to try and stem the tide, but it isn't really working. The only sure fire remedy that I know is to gear up and sweat. At least if I kick my ass with a workout I will have justifiably earned all the carbs I could wish to eat. Maybe buckwheat pancakes for dinner. With peanut butter, banana, and agave syrup. Yeah baby. Time to sweat.