Alone In My Head

    One advantage of my style of training is that I do not, nor have ever felt the need to train in groups. I love that triathlon is basically a solitary venture, from the moment I step into the water until the crossing of the finish line, I am in my own head space, alone in my own little world, competing against no one but myself. It is as if no one else exists, just me, Body, Brain, and Spirit. It is well that I am such good company for myself, and have much practice at a solitary existence, it makes it easier to let the miles cruise past without dwelling on the silence and loneliness. It is often said to train like you race, to accustom one's self to the various rigors of endurance events. I know that they are talking more of nutrition, hydration, and base building, but it is easy enough for me to take it that step further and practice being alone inside my head. Some days this is the most difficult part of life, and training, I think. There are many days when I acknowledge how much easier it would likely be to drag my ass out of bed at 5:00 am to get in a morning workout, if I knew there was going to be someone waiting for me, or at least who would know if I was a no-show. I have tried to line up a training partner here and there, it always falls through. Which always brings me back to solitude, being alone in my own head, and knowing that at least I can rely on myself to be there when I need me.
    On the flip side of this, I am moving into a far more rigorous level of training. A 70.3 is tough enough, but still manageable miles. The Epic 250K, on the other hand, takes it to a whole new level. For this, I am going to need some help, I think. I had hoped for a training partner for cycling, because I am going to have to do a few Century rides this summer, and racking up those kinds of miles is likely to get a bit tedious over the summer. Talk about killing any chance for a social life. A running partner would do me good, as well, since running is definitely my Achilles' Heel. I have been making myself network lately, and have stirred up one good, solid connection: one of the instructors at the swim center does triathlon. She and I are discussing getting a triathlon group together soon. I don't know if any of them would be training for longer distances, in which case it may not do me much good, but at least I can fall in with more seasoned runners.
    It is difficult for me to extend myself, to suggest to someone that we might be good training buddies. I know most people would find this odd, and even silly, but for me to put myself out there, ask for assistance, let my guard down to express a need, let someone know I'd like to buddy up, is one of the most traumatic things for me to do. It is allowing someone access to a part of me that is most private, personal, and vitally important to my well being. My training is one area of my life that I feel I have complete control over, and so I guard it jealously, knowing that to share it removes some of my control. So maybe it is best that in the end I train alone, to my own drummer, in my own little world, alone in my head.