One Year Ago

    One year ago today I was having one of the most epic days of my life. By this point, I had toiled for about 14 hours, was finished with as much of the Epic 250K as I was able, and was heading for Laughing Planet and a Che Gueverra vegan burrito. It was a fantastic day, and at that point I felt I had done my best. That feeling of success faded a bit over time, now I wish I had pushed myself harder so I could have managed a finishing time. It was my first Iron distance, and my first DNF. That has been a tough pill to swallow, I won't lie.
    Today, all through the day I had little flashbacks: "I was just getting out of the water, and feeling the effects of hypothermia..." or "I was an hour into the bike leg and finally warm enough to shed a layer..." or "Woo Hoo! Bananas! Fuck Yeah!" It was a great adventure. One of the best days of my life. And I so wanted to get a second chance at it. I know I have whined about this for months, most of this year, actually. I had nearly convinced myself, back in February or so, that I couldn't afford to do the race this year. Then, I convinced myself that if I paid the entry fee I would figure out a way to afford it by the time race day arrived. Instead, the event disappeared, to the dismay of many besides myself. I am still sad about it, really.
    I wonder how much of today's melancholy is regret at not finishing in time last year, not getting a second chance this year, having my whole season fubar-ed by a knee injury, or just that the days are getting shorter and winter is breathing down my neck. It could just be Seasonal Affected Disorder raising its gloomy, ugly head. I do have my normal symptoms: short temper, an underlying restlessness, the desire to do little more than eat carbs and sleep, a sense of urgency to get things "buttoned down for winter," and that all too familiar sense of dread. On the other hand, it could just be fatigue.
    Whatever the cause, I am struggling with my own attitude. Struggling to keep my fitness on track. Last year, on this day, I was at my absolute peak of fitness. Today, one year later, I know I would struggle to do an Olympic distance tri. Okay, I know I could do a half-Iron, if I pushed myself, and maybe without much more difficulty than I had doing that distance 2 years ago. But g'damn it, that isn't good enough. I need to get my brain squared away. I miss the rigorous training regiment.
    Yeah, yeah, yeah, I have been maniacally busy lately. And busy doing ridiculously hard physical labor. I am trying to look at it as a form of CrossFit style training. I mean c'mon, lifting concrete block, carrying it a distance, lifting it onto a truck bed, climbing into the bed to stack it, then reversing the process to unload the truck is a helluva workout when it is 50+ cinder blocks, not to mention countless armloads of brick. And multiply that by 4 loads in a week. It is a good workout program. But I miss the focused training, I really do. I need to get my life a little more normalized so I can get back on track, literally and figuratively.
    Until then, oatmeal for dinner (okay, with pumpkin seeds, rice protein, and my home-grown/dried raisins), and vast amounts of herbal tea will be allowed. For the time being anyway. Soon though, training resumes soon.