Struggling

   I have realized that I am really struggling with the post season blues. Not only am I supposed to allow myself to back off on the training a bit, but I have no events on the calendar to look forward to either. I want to be training as hard as I was back in July and August. I want to be spending the bulk of what little free time I have training, doing double workouts, draining myself with cycling/running bricks. I know I am supposed to take a little down time, change up my workouts, cross train. I am good with the cross training, I do that anyway, but I want to go out on a 50 mile bike ride followed by a run.  I want to put on my Selkie suit and swim long laps in the emerald green water of The Cove, with the afternoon sun glittering on the water through the pines. I want to swim until I am shaky, exhausted, and ravenous.
    Yes, I am swimming laps at the pool. Swimming upwards of 1-1/2 to 2 miles a couple of times a week. But it is the pool, 25 yards and turn, 25 yards and turn. Over and over. As Lance Armstrong said, "The problem with lap swimming is that after the first 50 yards, you've seen the whole course." I do enjoy the hypnotic quality of lap swimming, and am more likely to add sprints, apoxic sets, and fin work, but I miss the freedom of open water.
    Yes, I am on my bike, on the trainer in the living room, pedaling like a freak until the sweat is rolling off of me in waves. I am doing power sets, sprint sets, and steady state aerobic rides. And following it with leg and core workouts until I am trembling. But I miss the freedom of the road.
    I can't yet bring myself to get on the treadmill. The monotony would be more than I can bear. I need to get out on trails and run through the woods. I need to have hills so steep I have to climb them with hands and feet. I want to scramble up rock faces, clamber over logs, jump or wade creeks. I miss the freedom of trail running.
    That is the crux, I am missing the freedom that is so easily found on long, summer days. As we head into winter the sun sets so early it is impossible to get out into the great wide open after work. I have yet to mentally adjust to the cold and rain, the shortening days. I know I will, I have to, it will be another 6 months or more before the sun is a regular companion. I need to retrain myself to enjoy the rain on my face. I can't surrender to the grey of winter.
    But the one thing that saves me from surrendering to the dark is a training schedule. I need to get my calendar out, start planning my next adventures, give myself targets to aim at, goals to reach for, dreams to dream. I need to get back to training hard, one way or another.