Trained To Drive

    I am beginning to have twinges of anxiety as I face the last four weeks before The Big One. My Half-Ironman is four weeks from today, and I am excited, nervous, anxious, and beginning to have the whispered doubts of Oh-My-God-What-The-HELL-Was-I Thinking?!!! Then I rein myself in, let the anxiety slip away to be replaced by the eagerness I felt the day I decided that I would do this. Four weeks to go, this is my last "Big week" for training, then I begin my taper. I have thrown my training off just a bit by having three consecutive weekends of fairly major events: Thw Wildwood Trail half-marathon, last week's Olympic Tri that turned into a duathlon, and tomorrow The Hagg Lake Half. Two trail half-marathons, and a 52K duathlon. I did this on purpose, making my normal weekend long workouts be events, so that I would feel the competitive edge that always makes me go the extra mile, literally. I am not inclined to do long runs on my own, and with my knees being cranky I have had to limit my running more than I would have liked. But I have pushed my cycling, strength conditioning, and plyometric workouts all the harder to make up for a lack of run mileage. It seems to be working for me. The trail half two weeks ago was wicked steep, but I ran the distance, slow and steady, my pace, and finished feeling good (yeah, my knees were rebellious, and my legs were tired, but I felt good about the run). The Tri turned Du last weekend went off without a hitch, at least in my own physicality, inside my "Box." I executed well, slow and steady, at Ironman pacing, and finished feeling excellent, with energy left, just as I had planned. Tomorrow the 13.2 mile trail run will be my last long run before The Big One. I am excited for another trail half, and I know this one will have hills, but nothing like the long steeps of the last one. Again, I am planning Ironman pacing, slow and steady, get to the finish with energy left.
    So you see, it is all coming together. I am executing well, have found my "I can do this all day" pace (or at least for half a day), and am usually confident in my fitness level. Usually. This last week I find myself thinking, "I should have trained harder," and "I wish I had more time to train more," and "I should have dropped another five or ten pounds," and "Maybe there is still time to get in a few more weeks of ass kicking." Then I have to rein myself in, put a damper on the doubts and panic. I remind myself that I have trained as much as my real life time frame has allowed. I have put in hundreds of hours, and easily over a thousand miles of training. I have honed my nutrition to a science. I am at nearly the lowest weight of my adult life, and by far at my highest level of fitness ever. Mostly I remind myself, "I have swam the distance, over and over. I have cycled the distance a number of times. I have run the distance. I have trained to pace myself, to drive the magnificent vehicle I have built." Now I just need to put it all together in one day, when I can push myself further and harder than I would dare in training. Experts agree, most athletes toe the start line with the fitness, but without the knowledge of just how to pace, how to execute, how to drive the vehicle that is their body. Most athletes rely on gadgets, the most magnificent carbon-fiber bikes, the latest wetsuit, the sleekest Tri suit, all the best tecno that money can buy. But it is not the technology, the money, the gear that will get you across the finish line in one piece. All the money in the world will not drive the magnificent vehicle. "It is not the race car, it is the driver," I have heard said. Same story. Yes, athleticism, fitness, genetics play a definite role, but it is the ability to drive that will make the difference between tanking halfway through the race and finishing in abject misery, or crossing the line, head up, grin pasted on my face, feeling victorious. I have to remind myself that I have trained myself to drive. I can do this.