Just A Number? Chicken vs Egg

   I had an "holy shit" moment today. Driving to work I was thinking over my weight loss this last year, and feeling a little smug that I have lost 60 pounds. And when people have asked me how much I have lost I have been telling them, "About 60 pounds." Then I thought again. I did not lose 60 pounds. I started all this at over 235 pounds, almost a year to the day, and thoroughly disgusted with myself at that point, so disgusted that I refused to step on a scale for over a month, so I think I may have been even heavier. This week, I am tipping the scales at about 162. Epiphany: 235 minus 162 is 73. I have lost at least 73 pounds, which comes to having lost more than 30% of my body weight. 30%! Wow. Just, wow. I am more than a little boggled by this. Truly. Boggled. It doesn't really change anything, I mean, weight is just a number. It does not dictate how I feel. Okay, that is a blatant lie. It does change how I feel in that when I step on the scale I am no longer making excuses, cringing, or berating myself. I have taken control of my health, nutrition, and life. I feel better mentally, emotionally and physically. True, there have been a lot of major life altering events in the last year that have had a huge impact on my mental and emotional health that have nothing to do with a number on the scale. Although, the number on the scale may have a lot to do with those life altering changes. It is a Chicken vs Egg situation. So, am I crowing over this new statistic? Maybe a little. Mostly I am happy that my BMI is down to a healthy level, that my joints don't hurt so badly, that my knees and feet let me run now that there is not so much of me, that my previous sugar cravings/addiction have finally subsided to manageable levels, and that I don't reach for comfort foods when I am distressed. That last item, again a Chicken vs Egg, do I resist the carbs because my addiction is under control, or am I less stressed now that my life is under control? Who really knows. Do I really care? Not so much. I care that I feel better about my life, my body, and myself, for whatever reasons. I am comfortable in my skin, and happy in a way that has eluded me for over a decade. Cause and effect? I don't really care. It really is just numbers, even if I do use those numbers to gauge where I am, and where I want to stay. But damn, 73 pounds! I can't help but pat myself on the back, just a little.